April 1 is Toshiro Mifune’s birthday! Here’s how to honor him:
• Wear a little top knot.
• Wear an itchy kimono.
• Talk in a gruff voice.
• Be really strong—and skilled—and fast! Enough to kill 20, even 30 guys with your sword, easy, plus a guy with a pistol (!), plus—the really hard part—go over to a ten year old kid and pick him up with one arm and keep walking, without breaking your stride.
• Almost kiss the girl but stop yourself, because it would be wrong (various Samurai compunctions; also, you’re planning to kill her father).
• Be content anyway – you have your sword!
• Go about in public and introduce yourself as Toshiro Mifune, and tell everyone it’s April 1 and your birthday, and when people believe you, as they surely will, and they cry out, “Happy Birthday, Mifune-san,” savor the adulation, then say, “Sorry, I’m not Toshiro Mifune at all! And April 1 is not my birthday! It’s—(ripping off kimono)—April Fool's!”
• When everyone feels bitter and angry and betrayed by your trick, redeem yourself by dedicating self to bushido code of honor and service.
• If they don’t accept your redemption, accept they don’t accept it.
• Now you know true Samurai humility.
• But take heart. Gather your strength. You are still you! Pick up your sword (figuratively). Walk past the still-disappointed townsfolk.
• Shrug, like you don’t care, and scratch a bit.
• Say “Abayo,” over your shoulder.
Move on. ◊
