It’s deceptively tricky to write short-form comedy, but I’m all settled in with a drink and my laptop and ready to give some tips on getting started.
All writing begins with a word—just one, single word. So pick a word and write it down on anything you have handy. A napkin, copy paper, notebook, loose leaf—don’t overthink it! Before long that one word will generate many more, OH GOD DAMMIT I JUST SPILLED MY BEER ON THE COMPUTER.
OH FUCK THE SCREEN IS FLICKERING. OK, THIS IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE MUCH QUICKER THAN I WAS PLANNING. A SINGLE WORD ON THE PAGE GIVES US PERMISSION AS WRITERS TO IMPROVE ON IT. REMOVES THE EGO, EXTERNALIZES THE WORK. MAYBE IF I SOP UP THE BEER WITH MY SHIRT, I CAN SAVE THE LAPTOP.
OH SHIT FUCK I JUST GOT SHOCKED BY THE KEYBOARD. OH FUCK. THERE ARE SPARKS FLYING OUT FROM THE KEYS. WRITING IS JUST ONE WORD AFTER ANOTHER—OH FUCKING SHIT IT HURTS TO TYPE, OH PLEASE FUCK THE PAIN.
AAAAAH OH AAAAAH SHIT SHIT SHIT OUCH
THERE’S SMOKE COMING FROM THE MACHINE AND MY JAW JUST LOCKED. I AM SCREAMING THROUGH MY TEETH. WRITE EVERY DAY. KEEP THE HABIT. THE SKIN ON MY FINGERS IS FUCKED. JUST KEEP GOING. OH FUCK, THIS HURTS SO MUCH. GREAT ARTISTS STEAL. OH GODDAMIT IT.
JUST REMEMBER IT’S ONE WORD AFTER THE OTHER AND OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD SOMEBODY PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.
I want to apologize for the unfortunate mishap with my computer that occurred last night while drafting this email. It won’t happen again. And now, let’s turn to what’s been on twofiftyone.net over the past few weeks.
This first one’s from Arun Durvasula, who has captured the way plants shrink in terror when I pass by. (I once ‘watered’ a plant with milk for a science fair project. Reader, it died.)
Next up is James Finn Garner with a list of all the phrases considered before the tchotchke world settled on “Live. Laugh. Love.”:
Michael Litwak (whose film ‘Molli and Max in the Future’ is rated 100% certified fresh) is back with another cartoon for your viewing pleasure:
And so much more:
- Too Honest Cover Letter, by Doug Kolic: “Dear Human Resources,I’m a self-starter (no idea what that means) with extensive (zero) experience for this exciting (yawn) job opening.”
- Rejected Ben & Jerry’s Flavors, by Gregg Maxwell Parker: “The Sundae Also Rises;For Spoon The Bell Tollhouse Cookies; Oliver Twix.”
- The Sound of Mucus, by Talia Argondezzi: “The house is alive // With the sound of mucus // The echoing hacks // Of throats that won’t clear.”
And even more than that. Go check out twofiftyone.net and click ‘PREVIOUS POST’ until the laughter takes a literal toll on your health, then click it one more time after that.
SUBSCRIBERS, PROMOTE THYSELFS
We spend an inordinate amount of time trying to think about how to do nice things for people who read these emails. You’re all such interesting, creative people. Here’s our latest notion: why don’t you tell everyone what you’re up to?
You can use the comments to tell us about your latest project, treasured website, status update, favorite song, and so forth. Share a book, ask a question, link your substack, whatever feels right.
Go forth, dear friends, and self-promote!
