“Boy, some weather out there.”
“I don’t understand your comment.”
• • •
“Nothing like that first sip of coffee, eh?”
“Coffee is very important to me.”
“You said it.”
“Coffee is all I have.”
• • •
“How was your weekend?”
“Pretty good. My friend had a housewarming party in Greenpoint.”
“Cool! How was it?”
“Okay. I guessed where the trash was on my second try.”
“Nice! What were you throwing away?”
“Paper napkin.”
“Sweet.”
• • •
“Six people. The perfect amount for an elevator ride.”
“If a seventh gets on, I’ll get off.”
“No! There’s got to be some other way.”
“Don’t cry. There is no other way.”
• • •
“Big plans tonight?”
“Nah, I’ll probably just watch some Frasier.”
“That sounds great – I love relaxing at home.”
“The Frasier character is hiding something.”
• • •
“Whoa, I almost wore that same shirt today!”
“Ha, how about that?”
“It’s a great shirt.”
“Let me be clear. The red gingham shirt is my thing. Mine. I’ve worked here twelve years. I’ve paid my dues. If I ever see you wearing that shirt in this office, I will beat you where you stand.”
• • •
“This seems like a good elevator.”
• • •
“Any plans coming up?”
“Yep, going to Philadelphia next week.”
“Neat! Why Philadelphia?”
“Well, Bruce Springsteen wrote all those songs about it. I want to see what all the fuss is about.”
“I think you mean New Jersey.”
“No way. The Chief always sang about Philly.”
“You mean the Boss?”
“I don’t think so.”
• • •
“How’s the wedding planning coming?”
“Not bad. We finally settled on a DJ last night! It’s crazy how the costs pile up, though.”
“Yeah, it’s nuts. I remember when I got married, I couldn’t believe how expensive things were. It actually got to the point —”
“This is my floor. I want to hear what you were going to say, though.”
“Oh. Don’t worry about it.”
“No, what was it?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“No. Now.”
• • •
“When they were filming Jaws, the shark’s nickname was Bruce.”
“Stop telling me that.” ◊
RIVER CLEGG is a copywriter, creative director, TV writer, and proud owner of two crime-fighting cats named Liberty and Justice. He lives in Brooklyn, and his website is here.
