How I’ll deal with Gibbles the Clown at my son's birthday party.

Scenario #1: We discuss last year’s party and “the incident.”
Plan: Reply “I’m a changed man, Gibbles.” (Practice line more).

Scenario #2: His jokes are funnier than my (dad) jokes.
Plan: Heckle Gibbles.

Scenario #3: He runs over my foot with his little bike.
Plan: Don’t make a scene. Sue Gibbles later.

Scenario #4: He plugs his side hustle as a Rodeo Clown.
Plan: See if you can get free tickets to the rodeo (sell and make profit).

Scenario #5: He brings his dummy, Giblets.
Plan: Drink through performance. Alternatively, kill Giblets while everyone is distracted.

Scenario #6: He makes his puppet show political.
Plan: Debate openly with your homemade sock puppets.

Scenario #7: He hits on my wife.
Plan: Invite Mrs. Gibbles to the party. Hit on her in front of him and other guests.

Scenario #8: Gibbles’ magic tricks make me question God.
Plan: Consult with a spiritual counselor after the party.

Scenario #9: Gibbles has another heart attack.
Plan: Use a real defibrillator (unlike last time). NOTE: keep clown music playing and pretend it’s part of the show!

Scenario #10: He ruins the party.
Plan: Take out Gibbles-likened piñata and give every child and adult a stick. Make him watch.