As many of you know, I love Dan Savage. I love his column, have listened to all 905 episodes of his podcast, and will listen to the new one as soon as it drops tomorrow morning. I even loved The Stranger, the newspaper Dan used to run in Seattle. Back in 1995, The Stranger was the best alt-weekly ever, and I say that as someone who was contributing humor to the cross-town competition. So given my Savage-philia, it was only a matter of time before Bystander got into the sex advice racket.
But as many of you also know, I am in no position to give advice about ANYTHING, especially if it involves lube. (Sex OR engine repair.) The areas of my inexpertise are vast and humbling. I remain blissfully ignorant of most traffic laws, for example, and couldn’t make a proper gin & tonic if you held a Webley to my head.
Oh I’m opinionated—but all I really know is how ignorant I am. I should start a religion.
On the other hand, there’s my General Manager Laura Fox. Laura is wise and funny and has done stuff and seen stuff. I ask her opinion all the time, and am not dead yet.
MG: “Should I eat these red berries?”
LF: ”No.”
MG: “Do Kim Novak’s eyebrows have individual names?”
LF: “The right one is called ‘Thunder’ and the left is ‘Lightning.’”
MG: “Does this mole look weird to you?”
LF: “Hand me the nail clippers.”
After eighteen months of badgering, Laura has agreed to answer your anonymous, truthful no-fooling questions about love, relationships, and bonin’ down. Send your questions to Laura directly at foxhole@americanbystander.org no later than Friday, March 8 at noon EST. She’ll select the best ones to answer in her new column, “The Foxhole.”
