The Boss has been asking me to write this column for a long while, probably because he’s tired of emails like, “Did you see that thing on Twitter? WHY CAN’T PEOPLE BE GROWNUPS???”
With few notable exceptions, sex advice—heck, sex itself—has seen better days. I blame the online world, where 15-year-olds are earnestly debating whether knifeplay = “third base,” while their older sibs insist that writers cannot depict sex because their characters can’t consent. Even supposed adults are acting like there’s a gas leak: If I read one more Slate sex column that boils down to “go into therapy” I will have to go back into therapy myself.
See, if we’re lucky, sex is where we’re at our most real. But we’re spending more and more time in virtual places that are the very opposite of that.
No wonder we’re all so tense. We all need to get laid.
I’m a nerd about three things: marketing, the occult, and tapping ass. The first is my job, now I’m tackling the last. Perhaps one day we’ll go for the trifecta, but I’m warning you: blood oaths to Baphomet are binding in NY, WI, and (of course) CA.
So here at The ‘hole we’re going to take sexy questions and give sexy answers. But to avoid redundancy (yes you perfect weirdo, lots of people are into spit/cranking it to the mailman/curating an extensive collection of Clown Girl Porn) we’re also going to delve into the history and culture around this crazy, messy, exquisitely human thing we do.
What did Cleopatra use for contraception, en route to pussywhipping two of the most powerful dudes in Rome?
Why is Victorian erotica so filthy? My word!
Why is an oyster considered aphrodisiac? Is it because it looks like jizz?
So welcome to The Foxhole. (I still can’t believe The Boss let me call it that. I don’t think he understands double entendre.)
