“Psychic Readings … by Phone”
—Recent offer from Living Social
Trust me, friend—my powers are so great
that even through the phone, I see your fate:
You’re sure to meet a stranger (Tiger King),
do lots of travel (round the block, all spring),
see friends (online, for not-so-happy hour),
shop till you drop (for baker’s yeast and flour),
gain awesome skills (at reading charts of doom),
make bold career moves (pants-free chats on Zoom),
taste new cuisines (mis-sent by Instacart),
get a fresh look (botched bangs, disastrous part),
receive a windfall (federal and tiny),
and innovate (re how to wipe your hiney).
Yes, yes … I’ve glimpsed it all through mystic fog
(while I’ve done laundry and dewormed my dog).
MELISSA BALMAIN is the Editor of Light, a journal of light verse. Her collection Walking in on People is often mistaken by online shoppers for some kind of porn.
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